Life on a quarter

"We have nothing to give you except education."

I can still remember this being said by my parents to us. I can still remember their constant reminder that they didn't have a business or a house or cars that we can inherit from them but they'd do even the impossible so that we could have education. So that we could graduate from a university and later on, land a job that's better than what they're doing.

Six years had passed. Six years since the Dean forgot to call my name during our graduation resulting to my mother going to the stage furiously to have them rectify it.

And they rectified it. After the magna cum laude said her speech, they called me to go to stage and receive my diploma before hundreds of graduates looking at how embarrassed I was. But that's what mothers do right?

Anyway, moving forward.

I can't imagine that it has been six years since I graduated. It still feels like I've just gone out from college. So you could imagine that in six years, I should have accomplished so many things.

I wish I have.

But I have no business. I haven't stayed for any job longer than a year; the longest would be for ten months and the shortest would be for a week. I've been with more than ten companies already. I've had three occupations: I've been a nurse, a teacher and a customer service representative. A failed relationship. A miscarriage.

So, what happened? Why all of these?

I don't know. But I have four guesses:

1. Being a millennial- Those born in the 80s to the early 2000, who usually have a sense of entitlement and narcissism 

"Some employers are concerned that Millennials have too great expectations from the workplace.^[35] Some studies predict that Millennials will switch jobs frequently, holding many more jobs than Gen Xers due to their great expectations."- wikipedia

2. Quarter life crisis- "is a period of life usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult."- wikipedia

3. Both

4. Or maybe I'm only justifying my laziness and stubbornness with being a millennial and having a quarter life crisis.

I don't know. I guess being in my 20's made me an idealist and made me think what I really want.

I just don't want to settle with just anything there is. I wanted a job which not only pays the bills but something that will make my life more meaningful. Something that will nourish my soul and not leave me burned out. A job that will not feel like a job because I enjoy and look forward doing it.

But we can't have anything that we want without going for it. That's what I realized. I got tired settling with a job that I didn't really want while waiting for my dream job.

Yet the dream job has been elusive like the most wanted criminal.

Fast forward to six years after I graduated, I came nowhere near to where I wanted to be. I just became more jaded with every job that I leave, became acquainted with more people then forgot them afterwards, cared less with the people I served.

But there's still hope, I believe.

I don't need to have it all figured out all at once. I just needed more time to mature, to know which path I should take, to decide if I'll be turning the lights off on my dream.

For the meantime, I'll keep treading on this murky sea of life.